It's hard to believe but 1 year ago today, a family of 5 set out on an adventure of complete faith! The journey is far from over and hasn't gone much like we expected, but God has taught us (well at least me) so MUCH! 1 year ago today - we left our home of 11 years sitting empty in Columbia, SC to move our family to Greenville, SC so we could be together! We covered this decision in prayer and stepped out in faith that God would provide. He Has, but nothing like we expected! Here are some of my thoughts as I have spent the last several days soaking in what has happened to us over the last year..........
I heard something this morning on the radio that described this trial for me perfectly...."God sends trials to those who are weak in their faith....to build them up and make them strong. Ready for anything in the future!" No one likes to admit this...but....I am here to say that I know now that my faith was (and probably still is) weak! Before this experience..I talked the talk, but not so sure I was walking the walk as well as I should have been. As my sweet husband has said many times throughout the last year...."What would you say to someone else going thru this situation?" Hmmmm....apparently I give great Godly advice but don't seem to follow it myself!
So...what have I learned.....
Well....lots of things probably too many to share in one post, but here goes....
First....even though I thought I wasn't a wordly person driven by the need for things and money....I was! God took away my nice, big, pretty home and stuck me in a old, tiny, not what I was use to place to live! Not only do we not own this house....but we won't be able to own a house for many years. So...I went from a nice house to renting a yucky one! I have not even hung pictures or curtains, or anything -- half of my old house is still in boxes in my garage. I am now using card table chairs around my kitchen table, I have make shift things for storage in my kitchen b/c it is so small. Half of the windows in this house don't even open b/c they are so old and broken! The bathroom upstairs is old and yucky! There is spackle all over the walls in the office/sunroom b/c it was never painted before we moved in and we didn't have the time or the money to paint it. The carpet is ugly and old and even though I clean it regularly with my carpet cleaner - it's probably dirty too! I could go on and on and on..but my point here is that one year ago -- I thought I would have money to make this place look nice and put "THINGS" in it ---- God said NOPE you won't have the extra money and you don't NEED those things! And...He's is so right -- I have spent a year worrying about what people would think we they come into my tiny, not so pretty little home -- but who cares?!?! My kids are happy and despite what we are going thru -- so am I! Deep down I have a feeling God is preparing me for even bigger things requiring LESS THINGS!
Second....LET GO! I have been holding on to things I have no control over! My disease....pending foreclosure/bankruptcy b/c of the house.....renting a house instead of owning one......leaving TS......oh goodness the list could go on forever! LET IT GO! My plan can NEVER be better than HIS plan! We asked God to show us what to do and He did, but in my usual dominant behavior kind of self, I still thought I knew better than HIM! He told us to come here so our family could be a family, we obeyed. We didn't think that things would unfold the way they have -- we thought for sure God would bless us for being obedient to Him by getting someone to buy or rent our house in Columbia right away! Surely His way of blessing us was not to let us have face losing our house, our credit, and our pride/dignity??? Really?? Is that what His plan is?? You know what -- it was HIS plan -- and though sometimes (b/c I am still in the middle of the mess) I still can't see the blessing in it completely -- I know there is a HUGE blessing waiting....but....there have been so many little blessings already......
1. my kids love living in the "country" and having land and getting to run and play
2. we have a garden
3. we have chickens
4. homeschooling is so much more fun with so much more to do
5. I have tried things I would have never tried....my adventures with persimmons, canning jellies and jams, making my own vanilla, learning to knit, gardening, and of course CHICKENS!
6. I am okay with the fact that I seriously haven't purchased new clothes for myself in nearly 4 years :) and...now....that I don't have extra money for it ...it might be longer! The old Jami would have figured out a way to have great, new clothes!
7. I make my own laudry detergent and dishwasher detergent (and am getting ready to tackle some other homemade ideas :))
Oh my -- the list could go on -- but the little blessings around 149 Rainey Rd are really overflowing when I sit back and think about it. We might have old cars, an old house, old clothes, and it might be a long time before we ever have new things, but we are BLESSED!
Third -- GOD WILL PROVIDE! So many times over the last year (and probably many more times in the next year), I had no idea how things were going to get paid or taken care of....but they have! Again...not necessarily how I wanted it to happen...but God knew what was best. His provision completely astounds me when I sit back and look at it. He has taught me it's okay to live without! And...though I never thought I had to "keep up with the Jones'", we had too MUCH!
These are just a few of the many things I have been thinking about and letting soak into my heart over the last few days.
God has us on a journey -- one that is far from over I know! We are facing some things that seem so big and so hard in the near future, but the truth is these things are not big or hard for our amazing God. And...He wrote our family's story! He knows the end! He knows the blessings He has been waiting to pour out upon us! He is waiting for us (all of us) to completely surrender and be obedient! Yes...we stepped out in faith and felt like we were being obedient to His will for us to be together - I don't doubt this for one moment! But...the worrying, the not trusting, the second guessing from the entire year have not been obedient to God's call for our lives. He has been waiting for us to trust COMPLETELY! He's got this -- all of it -- even the things that seem so hard! He specializes in HARD! I firmly believe that He has huge blessings in store for us if we seek to be obedient to this call on our life!
The journey has been long --it's been a hard year! Physically and emotionally, I think Mike and I are both drained! But...we hold fast to the fact that God has this under control if we just let go and Let Him have it all!
I have no idea who (if anyone) reads my blog (which I have been horrible at keeping up), but it does my heart good to write down what I learn. I hope to do it more often. I hope to be a vessel that God can use!
We set out on this adventure and realized what was going to happen, we prayed that God would use what was happening in our lives to bless others. Someday, when we have gotten thru the mess, I hope God will use us to help someone else going thru a similar mess.
For God's Glory -- Always --
Jami :)
